I don't like me

I know I'm dealing with depression. My counselor said it sounds like I have a mild case or possibly had post-partum that never left. All I know is that I don't want to engage with my husband or my kids. I feel fatigued just thinking about getting involved with my kids and I HATE that. I LOVE my girls more than life itself and never thought I'd be dealing with these feelings. Karis knows just how to push my buttons and spends the majority of her time whining, crying or throwing tantrums the second things don't go her way. Today was one of my bad-reaction days. She started whining about stuff from the second she woke up until lunchtime and I had had enough. During one of her tantrums I picked her under both arms (on her bicep just past her armpit) and this afternoon I noticed broken capillaries right where my hands were. I feel AWFUL. I feel like a child abuser. I feel like Kenny is judging me because, once again, I handled things the wrong way (as if he handles things any better). I feel like things are closing in around me and I'm feeling the pressure. We have counseling tomorrow. I wish I had it every day at this point.