More screwed up than I thought

Yesterday I had an hour-long conversation with my brother and somehow we got on the subject of Dad, Mom and Carrie. It started out talking about how Eric's goal is to have his kitchen done before Dad's (which isn't hard to do) and then we ended up talking about my blow-up with Mom and Carrie this past summer (the sister time thing) and he ended up sharing some things he's experienced with both Dad and Carrie.

First, it was confirmed for me that we were all verbally and emotionally abused, especially Eric. It wasn't just mean, dysfunctional family stuff (like I always referred to it as) it was flat out abuse. I won't write details but it broke my heart when I heard some of the things Eric told me. I always knew there were issues but I didn't know just how bad they were. My dad was a nasty, vicious, venomous man who treated his family like scum.

What makes me competely sick to my stomach is that, some of those traits that I always hated in Dad, I can see in myself toward my kids. I can see it in their reaction to me. I could throw up. Those traits, I believe, we stirred up by the stress of being unemployed for such a long time (along with everything else we're in counseling for). My prayer now is that God would change me and pray that it's not too late for God to heal my kids from the damage I've already caused in them. Father God, would You turn this around? Would You do a work in me that can only be done by You? I'm crying out to You right now and ask for Your hand to come down and clean up this mess I've made. I repent.