Can't take anymore

So once again I've had tons on my mind but as soon as I sit down to write it out I can't think of anything.

For one thing: my mom. She's been working my nerves for the last...oh I don't know, 12 months?! Don't get me wrong, I love her with all my heart and appreciate everything she's done for us (she's helped us out financially like no one else these last 2 years) but her unsolicited advice about things in my life is getting a little much for me. From money, to the kids (especially the kids), to me sharing about other people (i.e. relationship with Carrie). I can't take anymore. It might be a little easier to accept if SHE would be a little more receiving herself. She complains about EVERYTHING but God forbid you try and give her advice. She just comes back with excuses as to why she's saying something or acting a certain way and we're not supposed to say anything.

For example, her job. I'm so sick of hearing about how she hates her job. I'd rather stick a fork in my eye. It's gotten to the point where, for the last year, the very first thing she says to me when I talk to her on the phone is "Ugh, I haaate myyyy joooob." Well, just keep saying it because THAT will really change things. If you don't like it...QUIT. Find something else that you DO like. You're going to retire in a few years anyway so you can either stick it out WITHOUT COMPLAINING (because I CANNOT listen to that for the next few years) or quit and find something else. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it sucks! They've done nothing to make anything easier at her job, in fact they've only made things more difficult but I hope she doesn't think that being negative about 100% of the time is going to make things better. I'm thinking it might actually have the opposite affect. YOU hold the power to change things. Your job might not change but you can change your attitude towards it (isn't that what she always told me when I would complain about stuff going on at Creation?)

And don't get me started on her talks to me about the kids. "Well, you need to do this" "I do that Mom" "Well maybe you need to do this" "I do that too Mom" "Well maybe what you're doing needs to be tweaked" So basically whatever I do, it's not good enough or it's the wrong thing. First I wasn't explaining enough to the kids (when discipling) and was just being a hard a$$. Now I'm explaining TOO much and just need to be short and that's it. Everything she tells me to do I'm already doing and when I tell her I'm already doing it she gets all huffy and says, "Well, I don't know what you want me to say. I guess you're screwed." Gee thanks. How about tell me something encouraging or just acknowledge my feelings of frustration and tell me everything will be okay. I don't always want suggestions I just want understanding. Do you like feeling as if someone is constantly critiquing you on something you already feel you suck at to begin with??? I think not. Or better yet, tell me I'm doing a good job no matter what...just tell me "You can do it Britt. This season will pass."

Then there's stuff at home. My marriage. I'm so over where things are right now it's not even funny. I said before that I think we bring out the worst in each other. I don't even think we're friends anymore. In counseling we're working on intimacy but I think we should be working on rekindling our friendship first. I hear other people talk about how their spouse is their best friend and they're so happy to be married to be married to that person and I get upset because I don't think I feel that way. I think I used to feel that way but I don't think I do anymore, which is sad. I'd like to feel that way again. I'm trying to focus on the good things in our marriage and even remember WHY we choise each other but it's been really hard to think of anything lately. I'm tired of us BOTH being angry all the time. I'm tried of not being on the same page in regards to parenting. I'm tired of feeling judged. I'm tired of being depressed. How did we get stuck here?

Jesus, please let this season pass quickly.