Just being real

It's been awhile since my last post. Since July of last year we've added our third daughter, Esme Constance Josephine. She is 7 weeks old today and we're just so in love with the little sweetie! I was expecting all of the usual stuff that goes along with having a new baby...lack of sleep, the girls going crazy and trying to adjust, loss of freedom, loss of friendships, husband pushing for sex. Yeah. All of that.

In actuality, I'm getting way more sleep than I thought I would. The first few weeks were a little rough but now she seems to have put herself on more of a definite schedule, which has been great.

The girls seem to be more out of control than they were before the baby came...unless it's just me. They're either fighting and being totally mean and sassy to each other OR they're getting along and playing but are so obnoxiously loud and crazy it makes me cry. Which was already a daily occurrence but now it seems magnified. It's super annoying and frustrating.

I'm tied down to the house again. I didn't realize how much I (selfishly) enjoyed being able to just pick up and go and not have to worry about feedings and diaper changes, etc. A "quick trip" somewhere is now back to double the time it took before but oh well.

Oh and all of those friendships I "thought" I had with the other moms at the school? Yeah a few have reached out here and there but for the most part it's as if I've fallen off the face of the earth. It makes me sad. No more running up to the school to help with stuff. It's just me, my baby, my couch and my pajamas. But this too shall pass! I know the saying "babies don't keep" and I DO so much want to enjoy her at this stage and all that goes with it (as difficult as it can be sometimes). I really am glad she's here!

Now onto the husband pushing for sex. Yeah he's never really stopped pushing for sex. We've had our issues for a few years and he still never "got it" and now that the baby is here he never stopped pushing for it. I'm talking like I'm still laying in the hospital bed on Day 1 of Esme's life and he's making comments about sex already. Anytime I talk about breastfeeding he immediately starts with the comments about wanting "to help" or can he touch them and stuff like that. He rubs my back in bed sometimes and usually ends up with his body pressed up against mine and well, you know. I want NO parts of it. First of all, he didn't give me the respect of allowing me time to heal, physically AND emotionally. Second, we've had issues for years and all of the things I've told him that I needed from him in order for me to feel connected to him outside of the bedroom he waits until NOW to start doing them?! And no matter how I say it he either thinks I'm joking or something. All I know is that he's only thinking of himself and it's beyond disappointing.