My "happy " place...

Let me be more specific...my "financially happy" place. I've been going there a lot lately. That place where I can envision PCH coming to my doorstep with balloons, a dozen roses and a giant check. I burst out crying and try to keep from falling over out of shock. We opt for the lump-sum pay out which gives us a few million at the very least. The first thing we do is give to church. I've always wanted to be able to give to various ministries as well as give anonymously and generously to meet the needs of other people in desperate financial situations like we are in right now. Next we pay back the people who have helped us in the past...Mom, Dad, Aunt A...as well as people like M. Miller who let us come to a few sessions free of charge. We would pay off debts, medical bills and get caught up on utility bills and whatever else needed to be squared away. Next would be the FUN part! Renovate our entire house to a decent 2 story with finished basement and all of the features we like -- nothing extravagant -- just something that would accommodate lots of get-togethers and would allow the girls to have multiple friends over at a time...a comfortable and fun place where everyone would like to be. A place Kenny, myself and the girls can be proud of. I'd purchase a new mini-van with cash. Take the entire family (parents, siblings, etc) on a nice, all-expense paid vacation. That's all. Maybe go to NYC to get me a new wardrobe...again, nothing super expensive. For once I would just not have to worry about money. I would love to not have to tell my girls that I don't have money for a little pack of gum or candy bar when we go out. I'm tired of living this way. I know I'm probably living in a fantasy world with all this but part of me doesn't care. The other part of me wonders why God hasn't come to our rescue but then I think I've done nothing to deserve His rescue in all of this. I've not been walking with Him like I should and if He has kids that ARE walking right with Him and haven't experienced this type of financial rescue then how can I expect it for me and my family? I guess that's part of the fantasy in my head. I can't help but thinking that we're basically screwed then. Just being honest. God where are You? Where is the financial miracle? What do I need to do to see You move? I don't want to just seek Your hand, I want to seek Your face but at the same time we're running OUT of time. Drowning in debt (some being our fault, some not), not knowing what's happening with the house and if we'll even still be living here in 6-12 months. I can't bear the thought of leaving this area and having to move to a low-income area mainly because I don't want my kids going to school anywhere else. Please God. For them. For the girls. Please. Deliver us. Rescue us.